My Old Friend

It’s been just over a week since the last time I enjoyed a thunder storm.  I miss those rain showers, those cacophonous moments of rain pelting tin roofs and thunder booming in the dark clouds above.  I miss feeling the chill of the fresh air, the smell of water-drenched earth, the feeling of the cool drops on my bare skin. 

Last week, I spent a few days traipsing around the countryside down by San Carlos, mostly in a small pueblo called Guasimo.  These small towns butt up against the border with Costa Rica, giving them a very different feel to the colonial city I call home.  The jungles engulf the countryside and villages in their wild foliage and teem with wildlife like monkeys, parrots, boa constrictors, tarantulas, and jungle cats.  To make it even better, it rains there.  A lot.  As you may know, rain and I get along rather famously.  Although recently we haven’t seen much of each other…  So this trip of mine, though tiring, turned out to be quite the blessing :)

During one particular thunderstorm I felt inspired to write a small poem of sorts… A poem to my old friend, Rain:

The rain, she calls out to me

Like an old friend.

I welcome her greeting warmly;

I pull up a chair,

Put on a pot of water

And brew us a cup of sweet tea. 

I snuggle up in my warm sweater

And sip my hot tea,

Grateful for Rain's fresh air she's brought

A gift of air that smells of wet earth, puddles, and green.

She invites me to talk first,

Listening ever so gently.

And so we talk,

Just her and I.

I talk of deep things that weigh on my heart:

My feelings of the past,

My desires for the present,

My dreams for the future.

And Rain listens to me well,

Giving me advice and counsel.

She speaks of patience and timing,

Of rhythm and passion and balance.

I ponder her words and

Savor their wisdom

like the cup of tea I currently hold.

She is wise, my old friend Rain.

And then she takes her turn,

Sharing with me her thoughts and hopes.

As her passion rises,

So too does her voice of watery droplets.

Crescendos of raindrops pelt the earth around us,

A symphony of notes and beats.

Thunder and Lightning join in from time to time,

Forever lost in their mighty dance.

And I sit here,

And listen

As we share this moment in our lives,

Just Rain and I.

And then the time comes

When Rain must go.

I thank her for bringing me a bit of peace and wisdom.

I sigh, content and refreshed.

Farewell, Rain.

Until the next time when our paths cross.

Until then, here I will wait for you.

Stay tuned!

You've Got a Friend in Me

I’ve been thinking a lot lately what it means to be a friend.  In my experience, friends are those who listen, who make you laugh, who get you to take yourself seriously, and who advise you against making bad decisions.  They are the ones we turn to when the day gets rough.  They are the ones we seek out when boredom strikes, or when the weekend arrives, or when something big happens that demands a celebration.  Friends are a BIG part of our lives.

If I’m honest, I’m a bit selfish when it comes to friendships. I’m drawn to psychology and I absolutely love delving into the inner realms of any person.   What makes a person tick?  What do they like?  Dislike?  I’d like to know absolutely everything about everyone BUT I’m also the last person to open up to others.  Which I suppose makes me something like a gentle parasite: gleaning off of others, learning all I can but giving little of myself in return.

My questions abound… How does a friend act?  How should a good friend act?  What do I say, share, repeat?  When am I allowed to keep secrets, to keep parts of me safe and private?  Where are those lines, those boundaries, those places that should be saved only for God?

My biggest question for today: are all friendships equal?

Clearly, no.  My friendship with my family is very different from my friendships with my housemates.  And those friendships are very different from my friendship with my boyfriend which is also very different from my friendships with all of my coworkers and students and neighbors and church.  Each friendship is unique and I interact with each person in a very unique way.  Friendships are much like a fingerprint or a snowflake—no two are the same.  And I shouldn’t expect them to be.

I’ve also come to realize that with each relationship I have, I give a little bit of myself to that person.  As a gift, I offer a piece of my heart in exchange for a piece of yours.  To some, I give more.  To others, just a little piece.  I can’t give all of me to everyone.  But even though I may ration out those little heart pieces and hoard them like a little squirrel, it’s impossible not share my heart with those I call friends.  I’m connected to you.  There’s no turning back, no refunds, no gift returns. 

Which is why absence and lies and disappointment hit so hard—the heart is deeply involved.  Friends know us best, yes, but they are also the ones who can hurt us the most.

My wisdom then for today is simply this: Be careful who you give your heart pieces to.  

Those are gifts you can’t take back.  But they’re also gifts that connect you to a network of people who cherish you in very unique and wonderful ways.  Friends are incredibly important, so treasure their place in your life.  And your place in theirs.

Stay tuned!

Amar es Perdonar

It’s another night here at Casa Kelsey and with no other great distraction planned, we turned to Netflix for some easy on-demand entertainment.  Netflix courteously suggested titles of movies and shows that might perk our interest and, for some inexplicable and extremely random reason, we chose a ridiculous movie about the ever-famous topic of love.  As is the case with many chick-flicks the plots twists and turns were sudden and laughable, not realistic in the slightest.  Nevertheless, it did its job to engage our attention for a couple of hours :)

The movie was quite unmemorable except for one single phrase that stands out to me even now: “Amar es perdonar.”  To love is to forgive.  I don’t know why this simple 3 word phrase has struck me so profoundly…  But for me, that night, those words rang true.  I think we often highlight the other, more enjoyable parts of love: the passion, the sincerity, the fun, the togetherness, the adventure.  But we often avoid the harder, more gritty parts of love: the pain, the hurt, the anger, the brokenness, the disappointment. 

If we jump around in our love-giving and love-receiving, we are only going to skim the surface of our relationships.  When we become disappointed or hurt by someone, we will forever give into the temptation to cut-off that person from our lives, to break off, to run away.  We will befriend people, stay with them for a time, and then move on.  People will fill our lives and yet we will feel a deep loneliness. 

To endure through the storms, to bear witness to the ugliness of love, to come out of it on the other side and be able to honestly say “I still love you” is a deeper love that transcends failure and brokenness.  This is the Love God demonstrates for us every single day.  Let me say that again: God loves us that much every single day.  Yesterday.  Tomorrow.  Forever. 

It’s hard to love this way.  It’s really hard.  But it’s so worth it.  And as Christ-followers, it’s what we are called to do.  As our Father and Creator loves us, so too should we love his Creation and fellow image-bearers. 

To paraphrase a favorite Bible passage:

In those dark moments of failure and brokenness, I love you.  Even while you are a sinner, I love you.  I love you so deeply I sent my Son to save you, once and for all.  Indeed, I love you still.  (Romans 5:8)

Do you believe in Love?  Do you believe in it enough to live it?  Don’t be afraid to love.  Love others as you want to be loved.  Be the love you want to see. 

Stay tuned!