Let it Go for Lent

Lent is here, again.  And once again I’ve struggled to come up with something to give up for these 40 days.  But inspiration struck Sunday evening during a sermon on confession: this Lent, I am letting go of my sin.

Ok, Kelsey, wow that sounds amazing. Pretty sure that if you’re a Christian, Kelsey, Jesus already took care of that part.  Like permanently.  So you’ve got no worries.

You’re absolutely right.  Jesus has taken care of that.  But I’ll let you in on a little secret: sometimes I don’t act like I’m a Christian liberated from sin.  Sometimes, I hang on to that sin and wallow in it.  

Why?  Because letting that sin go may hurt.  Some sins I keep buried down deep, secrets I keep hidden from the world and from God.  And confessing to that sin and asking for forgiveness could hurt, a lot.   So instead of confessing, I keep quiet.

Confession.  Say the word aloud and savor the taste of it on your tongue for a moment.  It’s not necessarily the best tasting word is it?  It’s kind of salty, a little bitter, definitely not pleasant. 

Unfortunately, this bitter flavor is a result of history and culture, and not in fact the word (or act) itself.  Our culture has warped the word into a painful experience of admitting the bad things you’ve done aloud for everyone to hear and potentially judge.  Which is why we avoid it so much!  Instead, we end our prayers with “Lord, forgive us of all our sins” and we flippantly throw “I’m sorry, please forgive me” around.  But this is only to avoid the actual act of confessing, using the blanket petition for forgiveness to cover the fact that we never confessed what we did wrong. 

Let’s go back to the root: God designed confession as an act of healing, not punishment.  We confess our sins to him, not because he needs to hear it but because we do.  By confessing aloud and admitting to the fact that we have failed in some manner and owning that, we are allowed to let that go and make room for God’s grace.

Which brings me to Judas.  Yes, the Judas.  Judas Iscariot, one of the chosen 12, was a man who sinned.  He was a man who knew that he had betrayed a good and honest man, a man who knew he had led his friend to his death.  Judas knew full well the act of treachery he had committed, and in the end hated himself for it.  Jesus offered Judas healing and peace, but Judas couldn’t accept it.  Instead of confession and forgiveness, instead of choosing his Lord and Life who was standing right in front of him, he chose to hold on to his failure and suffer in his misery.  Eventually, this led to Judas committing suicide. 

His story breaks my heart.  He was this close to getting the big picture but just couldn't see it. I wish he had accepted God's grace and forgiveness--it truly would have been a powerful story of redemption. I want Judas to be forgiven, to be saved. But instead, we get a story of how strong a person’s guilt and attachment to sin can be in overriding our acceptance of God's forgiveness and love.  

I don’t want to end up like Judas did.  I don’t want to wallow miserably in my sin, choosing suffering over joy.  I know full well that I am a broken daughter of God who sins every day.  BUT, I am a daughter of God, liberated through the loving sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  So during this time of Lent, I am actively choosing Life every day by confessing my wrongdoings, letting my sins, my failures and my brokenness go, and making room for God’s grace.

Stay tuned!

¡Que Viva la Poesía!

Yesterday evening I had the privilege of attending Granada’s International Poetry Festival, a week-long celebration of this beautiful linguistic art.  Poets from all over the world were invited to this event to present a few of their pieces to the public.  Every day different events and activities were planned, from poetry reading sessions to music concerts to a book fair.  One of the best parts: you didn’t have to pay a single penny to attend!  Everything was free for anyone and everyone to come and enjoy. 

el cantante Carlos Mejía Godoy

Ernesto Cardenal

Ernesto Cardenal reading his poems of Lake Nicaragua

And enjoy we did.  We heard pieces from famous poets, included Ernesto Cardenal and Gioconda Belli, as well as a wonderful concert performed by Carlos Mejía Godoy.  I resisted the urge to get my picture taken with Ernesto Cardenal, now a man of 90 years who doesn’t need another unknown stranger grabbing his hand and faking friendship.  I’d much rather sit down with him and chat about his life and poetry, to see where his inspiration and energy comes from.  Ah, to dream!  Instead I sat back and thoroughly enjoyed his poems he shared that he dedicated that evening to the great Lake Nicaragua.

Sitting in a crowd of hundreds of people from around the world, immersed in the vibrancy of the event, sharing in moments of laughter and emotion and thought provoked silence, I suddenly realized just how blessed I was to be a part of it.  And so, in the spirit of poetry and love, I thought I’d share with you a small poem I wrote about Nicaragua the end of last year.  Enjoy :)

Nicaragua

Foreign

Colorful

Loud

Chaotic

My first steps on your dusty ground,

My eyes wide with wonder

My heart shy and timid

I loved and felt loved

By your gente, your pueblo

But I left, quickly

Afraid of the country I left behind

You confused me

You scared me

And so I left

But God read my heart that day

And cast a new future for me

A future I never could have predicted

Never could have wanted

For once again, Nicaragua was calling my name

And so, feeling the divine push of God on my back

I said yes to your call

I said yes to what scared me

And once again, Nicaragua, you shocked me

Doing the unexpected

Breaking through the cage I put you in

Against my will I was wooed

By your volcanoes,

Your corn and frijol and café fields,

Your busy streets,

Your tall cathedrals,

Your noisy parades,

Your crowded markets,

Your sandy beaches,

Your smiling children and mothers and husbands and abuelitos

Nicaragua

You have changed me

Stay tuned!

A Day in the Life of Kelsey

So you may or may not have asked yourself: “What in the world is Kelsey doing in Nicaragua anyway?”  Which happens to be a very good question.  Unfortunately, my response could fill the pages of a small book (not necessarily a page turner by any means… more of a manual or boring documentary).  Instead, I’ll limit my response to giving you a small glimpse into one day of my life: today.

7 hours later and my ant friends are making
quick work of the dead roach carcass

I wake up this morning, my fan blowing on me keeping me fairly cool.  7am sharp the siren in town goes off, as does my alarm.  I ignore both.  My attempts at catching a few more seconds of half-sleep are fully interrupted by my roommate saying goodbye (she’s off to Managua for the day) and the meows of my cat.  She’s hungry.  And I’m her food dispenser.  The world needs me.  I wake up, dish out a bowl full of kitty food, heat up some water and make me some coffee.  Before anything else, there is coffee.  While I wait for the water to boil I notice a small ant hill has taken up residence in the kitchen.  I get the broom and sweep away the unwanted housemates.  An ant retaliates and bites my toe.  I pour my coffee and am half scared out of my mind by the sudden appearance of a giant cockroach in our sink.  I grab an empty pop bottle and proceed to beat it up.  It scurries away so I follow in hot pursuit.  In the end, I win.  I grab my coffee and scarf down some yogurt as I catch up on some emails I failed to respond to yesterday.  I then realize how unkempt I must look and so I hop in the shower, the cold water instantly shocking me awake.  There’s nothing like coffee and a cold water shower to kick-start your day.  After throwing on some jeans and a nice shirt, a friend texts me and says he’ll stop by in 15 minutes to drop off something.  In this country, you just never know when you’ll have company.  After his visit, I grab my things and head out to do some house visits.  Today’s goal: stop by all 7 of our host families, see how they’re doing and collect the program evaluations I gave them last week.  At each house I make small talk about their families and the weather and the weekend and the Ruben Dario festival going on in town and anything else that pops into my mind.  We briefly talk about the SPIN semester abroad program and the evaluations.  I gently end each visit, say my goodbyes, and head on to the next house.  The total 16 block walk is nothing too terribly difficult—what’s hard is the hot sun beating down and the guys on the street leering and catcalling as I walk by.  Unfortunately, after all my walking and visiting, I’ve only managed to collect 4 out of 7 evaluations… I should have the other 3 by the end of the week.  I manage to finish my house calling just as the noon siren rings to let us know its lunchtime.  I get home only to realize we desperately need to go grocery shopping… so I grab a cucumber, some chips, some bread and some avocado and have a quasi-picnic sort of lunch.  A lady selling fruit and vegetables rolls by the house and my hungry stomach urges me outside.  I buy a dozen bananas and a papaya for $1.  I eat my gourmet meal while I check on my emails again—more have come in throughout the morning.  (Here’s a little secret: at least 50% of my job involves the internet or a computer…).  I then get a phone call from my roommate telling me to go pay the electric bill as it may or may not be past due.  So I head out once again to pay last month’s electric bill: a total of 232 córdoba, or roughly $8.70.  On my way back, I buy a French baguette from a small bakery to reward me for my morning endeavors.  Once home, I head to the kitchen to make my second round of coffee—vitally important in keeping up one’s energy during the hottest part of the day.  My mid-afternoon snack of coffee, fruit, and bread hits the spot and I’m once again energized to work some more.  So, as no one will be surprised, I open up my computer and start working.  Which brings me to this very moment, typing about my day thus far.  Which means this blog has just taken a strange turn: form blogging to blogging about blogging.  Meta-blogging.  Anyway, back to reality.  The rest of my day is rather uneventful: finish up pertinent emailing, do my daily devotional, maybe sweep the floors, eat some dinner, and watch a movie tonight with a friend and her popcorn. 

So there you have it: one day in the life of Kelsey.  Maybe if another more exciting day happens I’ll share it with you all :)

Stay tuned!