Dominoes

Dominoes.  For me, this week, it all came down to dominoes.  I happen to be a very perceptive person who is prone to scrutinizing things.  Better said, I am not very good at accepting things at face value.  This week, though, I seemed to be noticing more and more of the negative things around me: the way friendships were breaking, organizations were missing the point, people were failing, Christians were failing.  An all-around disappointment in life started to occupy my mind, first one thing, then another, then another.  Domino after domino fell and before I knew it I had entire path of fallen dominoes in my wake and I became stuck on this path of negativity.  And, worse yet, it was starting to manifest itself physically.  Usually I can hide it.  But not always.  I became grumpier, less animated, my conversations were forced at best.  And people were beginning to take notice.

How do I get my miserable self out of this entangled sticky web of negativity?

Well, not by myself, that’s for sure.

In those moments, I was too lost in my own vortex of sour thinking that I failed to realize the vast amount of Peace and Joy within my reach.  I was so blinded by my darkness that I failed to see the Light reaching out to me.  But then it all changed—I was lost and blind, but was rescued and given sight!  And it happened to come in the most normal of ways—a song.  I happened to be listening to Rend Collective Experiment’s version of “10,000 reasons” (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPI_DIqICP0).  Let’s just say it was a healthy dose of spiritual reality and it brought me back to the reason I’m alive at all: my Creator made me, my Savior liberated me, my Spirit inspires me. 

Since that song, God has step by step guided me back into the joyful light of his presence, a place where I can rejoice and sing of the more than 10,000 reasons I am blessed today.  Here I’ll share with you a few of the things God placed into my life this week:

Proverbs 3:5-6:

“Do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take” (NLT). 

My devotions from yesterday:

“I, the Creator of the universe, am the most creative Being imaginable.  I will not leave you circling in deeply rutted paths.  Instead, I will lead you along fresh trails of adventure, revealing to you things you did not know.  Stay in communication with Me.  Follow My guiding Presence” (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, p. 314). 

My Bible study on Gideon:

“Gideon could have avoided this domino effect… Continuing a vibrant fellowship with God would have kept him on course with divine purpose…Seeking God and His will must remain our constant desire and aspiration… When the dominoes of life cave in, our level of steadiness will be equal to our level of fellowship with the Father” (Priscilla Shirer, Gideon, pp. 144-145). 

Finally, from 2 Corinthians 4: 6-9:

“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (NIV). 

I stand here (or rather sit here) amazed at how God speaks to me, lending his Divine voice to guide my wavering feet.  I may not always hear His voice (I may at times listen harder to the white noise of life that drowns out His voice) but I do know that he is always speaking to me: in nature, in people, in Scripture, in art, in life.  She who has an ear, let her hear His voice calling out to His beloved children.

Stay tuned!

Honesty as Policy

Photo: courtesy of Sarah Davies

Yesterday I read a Proverb that sort of hit me right in the face with its words.  In fact, I think I still have a blotchy red mark on my forehead as evidence of the forced interaction.  The reason it hurt so much is because, once again, it was talking directly to me, right now in this very moment.  Here it is:

Better is open rebuke

Than hidden love.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted,

But an enemy multiplies kisses.

Proverbs 27:5-6

After reading this, my mind jumps first to the people around me, trying to decipher who beside me is in fact an enemy multiplying kisses.  But I can deal with people like that—in fact, I enjoy trying to understand the people around me and figuring out what makes them tick, where their motivation comes from, why they want to be with me.  I’m used to guessing between friend and foe.  It’s a task that’s as natural to me as brushing my teeth or breathing—I do it unconsciously and before I know it, I have a profile of someone in my head labeling them as “friend”, “foe” or “unknown: requires more research”. 

So that’s not what hurt when I read this proverb.  What hurt was the thought: “What if I’m an enemy?”

I think back to all the times where I held my tongue, where I guarded my silence, where I held back from telling the truth.  My reason?  I didn’t want to hurt anyone.  I didn’t want to rock the boat and create waves.  I didn’t want to tread on anyone’s toes.  I didn’t want to wound my friends and become their enemy. 

But what if, because I held back, I actually hurt them more than if I had told the truth?  What if my gentle rebuke was more needed than my fake kisses?  What if they needed to hear the truth and I had denied them that?

It’s a weird thought, thinking that I have failed my friends by keeping quiet or by saying what they wanted to hear.  It’s weird that my silence effectively buried my love for them, hidden behind a façade of empty kindness. 

Apparently, to love does not equate painlessness.  Love hurts. 

And, if the love is true, love hurts both the giver and the receiver.  Think about it: in the moment where a friend gently rebukes her friend, both are pained by the experience.  The giver of the rebuke has exposed herself and has put herself in the vulnerable position that’s open for rejection.  The receiver of the rebuke has more obviously been hurt as the words of truth delve straight into her heart and mind, a sword of truth that pierces through the strongest armor. 

Knowing this, it’s no wonder we hold our tongues and say nothing!  It’s no wonder we hide our love and multiply our kisses.  We do it out of self-preservation and fear of rejection, even if the life we begin to live is full of lies. 

But words of honesty shouldn’t hurt in a way that is harmful or destructive.  I’m reminded of Eustace in C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia series.  Eustace had built up such a thick skin around himself (manifested quite literally in the form of scaly dragon skin), a façade of superiority and selfishness that masked his true inner self.  Only Aslan, with his claws of Truth, could shed him of the skin.  “The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt.  The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off “ (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader).  Shedding lies and accepting Truth hurts, but it’s what we need. 

So, be a truth-bearer today and be honest to your friends and the people around you.  Tell them how much they mean to you; warn them against temptation; admit how they have hurt you; encourage them to be better; pray with and for them.  Love them by saying the Truth.

And ask them to be the same honest friend to you. 

Stay tuned!

More passages about Truth-speaking and gentle rebuking: Matthew 18:15-17, John 8:32, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Ephesian 4:15-16 and 25, Galatians 6:1, 1 John 3:18, Hebrews 4:12, Revelation 3:19.

The Power of Eye Contact

Let’s admit it, I stick out.  I may know my way around the city; I may speak Spanish with ease and little accent; I may know how to order my favorite food; I may know how to drink juice out of a bag; I may cross the street without getting run over by a bus, bike, or car; I may live here and have made friends with the neighbors.  BUT I still stick out.  Why?

I walk too fast.  I dress differently.  I smell of sunscreen.  I act more reserved and controlled.  Most of all, I have bright blue eyes.

And, though I love my blue eyes, those little twinkling gifts can actually turn out to be little curses sometimes.  Why?  Because it makes me stand out even more than I want to.  Guys on the street flirt and cat-call all the more at me if they catch the blue glint of my eyes.  Children frequently ask me if I would trade my eyes for theirs.  Every time I wear contacts instead of my glasses women are so surprised by the intensity of the blueness of my eyes and it end up being a frequent conversation topic.  There was even a little girl who was afraid of me for a while because of my blue eyes.  Here, in a land of dark skin, dark hair, and dark eyes my blue orbs are foreign invaders.  They don’t belong. 

But you know what?  That’s ok.

Why?  Because I’ve learned to use my eyes instead of being ashamed of them.  With a short nod of my head, I can catch a taxi, tricycle, mototaxi, or bus.  With quick eye contact I acknowledge the presence of my neighbors, those I pass on the street, my friends.  With a smile of my eyes, I can get the cashier, the market vendor, a child to return my smile.  My eyes, combined with my accent, can even give me some power in a bartering situation (I mean, who wouldn’t want to give me a lower price?!)

Truly, eye contact can be very powerful.

Think of it in the reverse: if I never looked at anyone, what would that be like?  Well, that Kelsey would walk down the street, looking at nothing but her toes hitting the uneven and cracked pavement.  She would be oblivious to the world around her, the many families and friends sitting on their doorsteps, chit-chatting away.  She would miss the opportunity to amicably say “adios” to her neighbors and those she passed on the street.  She would stick out as an unfriendly gringa who didn’t have the time or care to even make eye contact with other human beings.  By withholding her gaze of others around her, she would be quietly yelling to everyone that they are not worth her time or acknowledgement.  That Kelsey would be “fría” or “cold”.  In the end, she would be alone in her own self-inflicted bubble of isolation.

Needless to say, I do not want to be that Kelsey.

So, I will shamelessly walk this Nicaraguan city with my blue eyes wide open.  I will unabashedly make eye contact with friends and strangers alike.  I will look and smile and see and be a part of this world around me.  I will get more whistles, more looks, more comments BUT I will also look back, make comments and acknowledge the life, the people, that God has placed in my life today.

Stay tuned!