What If?

Relaxing in the hammock

While I was working this week, Wilma had the TV on to some evangelical program.  A minister was preaching, a guest from the US, and his sermon was translated to his Nicaraguan audience.  I wasn't paying enough attention to know exactly what he was preaching on but one of his questions has stuck with me: "What would my life look like had I not met Christ and been a Christian?" 

In some ways this question is ridiculous: I've been a Christian my whole life and so how would I know? I can't tell the future (or alternate future I suppose), I can't travel to parallel universes and I certainly can't just email God and see what he thinks.

Nevertheless, I'm curious.  What would my life look like?  Who would I be?

So let's just play a bit of a guessing game, shall we? :)

I suppose that, based on my personality and family history, I'd be one of two extremes: a depressed atheist or a wandering pantheist.  

Let me flesh those two out a bit.  A depressed atheist... Well, this Kelsey happens to be quite the fine player at the doubter's game.  For those of you who don't know what this is: it's where you doubt everyone and their stories from the beginning and then can only be converted to believing them.  (Those who play the believer's game are the exact opposite.)  I judge at first sight, I'm quick to make an assessment, and I don't forgive easily.  You are a book and I will read you first by your cover and I dare you to surprise me with your pages beneath.  Because more often than not, I judge right.  This superpower makes my life lonely as I find it hard to trust anyone, let alone a deity I cannot see nor touch.  Atheism would be my only friend, and science would be my religion of choice.  If science can't prove it, it doesn't exist.  Life would be based on chance rather than design and so I would forever feel that I had no control over my own fate.  But I feel that such a critical look at the world around me would leave little room for joy and wonder and I would be bogged down by the ugliness that I see: war, sickness, poverty, abuse, lies.  A depressed atheist I would be.

On the other hand, I could potentially be the exact opposite: a wandering pantheist.  This Kelsey is a very spiritual woman, open to mysticism and wonder.  This Kelsey is moved by beauty, impressed by charisma, guided by energy, and swept up in the New Age movements around her.  I would be the pilgrim ever searching for direction, for fulfillment, for happiness.  And I would find it for a time in many things, in many religions, in many people.  I would be the person to believe that aliens have come,that horoscopes tell the truth, that all governments are covering up conspiracies and reading all my emails, that Big Foot exists, that ghosts haunt homes, that aura readings are genuine, and that Karma is just and will always find you.  I would believe it all until proven otherwise--best believe in everything than in nothing. I might settle with being a Buddhist, confident that my inner peace will guide me to enlightenment, or I might join a cult that promises me wonders if I fully commit.  And when something or someone has failed me, I'd move on and choose something else to follow.  A wandering pantheist I would be.

Thank the Lord that I have been saved and that these stories are not my stories!  My faith has softened by harsh and doubting mind and has given guidance to my spiritually curious mind.  I love who I am, a daughter of God, a follower of Jesus Christ, and a vessel for the Holy Spirit.    

What about you?  Who do you think you would be if you were not a Christian?

On a side note, this week I had the opportunity to meet one of the Dordt study abroad students here in Nicaragua.  Catherine actually studies at another university in the States but will be joining the Dordt students here this fall.  For the past few months she has been living in Nicaragua and has been working on her own service project: a library for an impoverished community.  Below you can see us standing in front of the nearly completed building.  During the semester, her service project will be to get the library up and running and have it start to host its first activities for the community.  I look forward to seeing what Catherine and her community can accomplish! 

Catherine and I in front of her library

This week has also been, to sum it up in one word, dirty.  Nicaragua is experiencing a drought right now due to the substantial lack of rain during this rainy season.  As a result, the earth is very dry.  This week we've been experiencing these dust storms (think the Dust Bowl) that have swept through town and covered everything in a layer of yuck.  The dirty dust gets into everything and is making many people sick, myself included (my throat is sick of breathing in this stuff).  To top it off, because of the drought, this entire week my house hasn't been receiving water.  At first they told us some water main was broken but we don't believe that since at random times during the night the water will come back for a little while.  Those fortunate enough to be awake take advantage of the moment and quick fill up as many buckets of water as they can, to take showers, etc.  Some people even do all of their cleaning and mopping when the water comes, sometimes at 2 or 3 in the morning!  Last night, I had a bucket shower and never have I been so thankful to feel clean again.  Oh the day when the water comes back, that will be a day for celebration :)

So, please please pray for rain for Nicaragua so that this drought will end!  While you're at it, pray for California too as they're experiencing a drought as well.  Well, you might as well pray for the entire world and that everyone who needs water will receive it and those that have too much will share with the rest of us :)

Stay tuned!