Filling Holes

I find myself dragging my feet to write this post, something that hardly ever happens with me.  Usually, writing comes as naturally to me as breathing.  And it's not just that writing comes quote-on-quote easy for me, the truth is I love writing.  

But today I don't.

I think that it's probably because my head is swimming in thoughts and feelings and ideas and emotions, so much so that I'm having a hard time finding the right words to say or write.  I've seen and done a lot this week and, though outwardly I appear calm, on the inside I'm a bundle of chaos.  I go to bed late, my mind racing, and I wake up early, my heart pounding.  I feel tired all the time.  And hot.  The best way to describe my zombie-like like presence during the day is that I'm sluggish, maybe, or mopey.  I'm not sure.

And I know it has to do with me moving here, with all the change and whatnot that finds me every day. I know it's the side effects of culture shock, but even if my mind knows it my body doesn't.  I can't just say "be calm" or "knock it off" to my body and have it obey.  It's much too rebellious for that.  Stubborn even.

Joking aside, I really am frustrated at myself for this.  You'd think that after having done this all before, I'd get used it and be over it by now.  And honestly, the thing that frustrates me most is that I am having fun! Seriously! And yet I'm anxious all the time.  I'm going nuts.

But, having admitted all this here, I already feel better.  Sometimes you just have to complain a bit I guess.  Get it all out, off your chest.  Kind of like the book of Lamentations--now there's a good read if you like melancholy and sadness. Healing begins with pain, with admitting that a problem does exist, with confessing that things aren't perfect.  Only when you see a hole can you fill it.

So, I suppose this is me asking for prayers this coming week as I attempt to pull myself together, as I search for those holes and begin to fill them.  Pray that I'll leave all my anxiety at the feet of God and go out each day discovering Him in the world around me.

On a side note, I just got a message from my mother saying that she had a visit to the emergency room this weekend.  Extreme and sudden pain in her neck and head chased quite a bit of worry.  The doctor says she has occipital neuralgia, but with medication it should go away.  I know she will have a hard time admitting it out loud but I will for her: please pray for healing for her and for the pain to go away.  

Stay tuned!