Contradictions of Life

My life this week has been one of contradictions… As if each moment is being pulled in two separate and equally powerful directions.  Let me tell you, to be caught in the middle is strenuous and exhausting.

Let me explain:  first and foremost, I have been on an emotional roller coaster this week.  At one moment I am loving everything I am doing and living life here to the fullest.  The next moment, I am in anguish, hating everything and dreading doing anything.  So, normal girl stuff I guess :)  The whole week I’ve kept myself busy so that I wouldn’t have time to think, to think on things I can’t have (like hamburgers, fall weather, and my family).  And then moments will hit me where I can’t not think about it and I’m a train wreck of emotions… My legendary poker face is definitely getting a workout.  But there are times where I look around and I am so blessed by what I see and witness, from a child’s laugh to the beautiful scenery to the tasty food.  If I’m honest, I love it and hate it here, something that is very hard to process :)

I have also experienced the “yes when I really mean no” sentiment here lately… one second we’ll all be on the same page for something, agreeing wholeheartedly on said topic, and the next moment someone has taken offense to what was decided, feelings were hurt, and relationships were strained.  Because the family here is white, educated and American (and so are Rachel and I) an unintentional class system has been established between us and those around us.  And it’s unlikely those barriers will be broken, not soon anyway.  We treat everyone here as equals but if they themselves do not believe to be our equals, what then can be done?  They will continue to tell us what we want to hear but not the truth… please pray that these barriers can be crossed and broken down and the love of God can take its place. 

Joy, despair; love, hate; happiness, sadness; yes, no—this week has been opposite week, everyone.  So buckle up and enjoy the ride!  That’s honestly how I felt.  Crazy!  We shall see what lies in store for us this coming week—hopefully some mellowness and sanity will be added into the mix and life here can reach a happy medium.  And so we go.  Stay tuned!