Not My Strength, but His

My eyes have been opened and now I truly see.  Amidst the bleakness of human failures and corruption there exists a beauty that permeates everything, a beauty so vivacious I cannot believe I had not seen it before.  But God opened my eyes this week, often times with a divine slap to the back of my head :)

Let me explain a bit:  Before beginning a new project, I have always come at the situation with the mindset of “What can I do to make it better?” or “How can I help fix this?”  This is often the mindset of anyone setting out on a mission trip or service project and it is often the biggest mistake we can make.  If we go into it with our minds made up and our focus on what we can do, we are blind to the beauty of what we can learn and receive from those we are trying to help.  This week has been a huge lesson in this for me.

On Friday, the girls here in the house and I began playing soccer at a local court.  I was nervous since my past expertise on the sport verges on the nonexistent… nonetheless I put on my game face and acted like I knew what I was doing.  From the start, kids from the community began to join in on our game and soon we had multitude of players on each team.  Though they were young, they had fancy feet, let me tell you.  I felt very much out of my element.  And then, they made me goalie...  Inside I was mortified and fearful that I was about to make a fool of myself in a very public way!  BUT, by the grace of God, I may not be able to use my feet but I do know how to use my hands :)  I protected that goal like a fiend and wowed everyone with my talents (ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit).  In the end, I learned that though I could bring nothing to the table in terms of footwork and had to bow to the talents of others, they still welcomed me as a player and gave me an important position to play (which surprisingly turned out to their advantage).  The lesson for this day: embrace those “below” you and they might just surprise you with what they can do :)

Susie, Luli and I taking a break

The following morning, I went on a hike with a couple high school girls and a local 5^th grade class.  I was a bit nervous because I was the designated driver (my first time driving here by the way) and I was (am) way out of shape.  So this day presented many challenges for me.  I began my day by confessing my fears and weaknesses to God and prayed that he would give me the strength to get through the day.  Despite my fears, the day turned out to be one of the best days I’ve had so far :)  Driving was a blast, the people I went with were great company, the hike wasn’t too difficult for little ol’ me, the landscape was breathtaking, and the weather was beautiful!  What an answer to prayer!  I felt as if God was slapping me on the back of the head and saying “About time you let me help.”  Thank you God—I learned my lesson :)

Our beautiful hike 

And each day now, I can see the work of God more clearly in my life and I am learning to let him take the lead in my day and not rely on my own strength but on his.  Please pray that I continue leaning on God every day and letting him lead me.  Thank you for all of your prayers of support and words of encouragement.  Stay tuned!

The Wisdom of Yielding

Sometimes, I feel as if I can conquer the world, as if nothing can stop me from doing what I want or what other want me to.  Other times, not so much.  This week has been interesting as I have come to the realization that truthfully, I can’t do much on my own.  I am dependent on many things and many people and this is challenging for Little Miss Independent here to accept.  Throughout this week, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that there is wisdom in yielding, in yielding to the idea that I am simply not enough. 

Let me explain a bit so you can get a clearer picture of what I mean by yielding.  Yielding is, for example, when you come to know your place and role in different situations and where your gifts and talents (and weaknesses) are best placed.  This means yielding to others who are “better” than you in certain areas, in giving up the spotlight and center stage to those who are better equipped.

Yielding also means coming to the understanding and realization that we can’t fix everything, not in this broken world.  As it is said, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.  We can do and do and do but only God can transform minds and hearts.  We need to confess not only to God but to ourselves that we are weak and incomplete, that we need Him and His strength to carry out our work.  We need to yield and accept that we have limits and that it’s in fact ok to admit their existence instead of putting on a brave face and pretending they’re not there.

Yielding also means that you understand that your way of practice, of belief or of action is not the only way in this world.  God created this world to be a diverse and beautiful reflection of his divinity and he saw that it was good.  We must not try to mold the world to one lifestyle, to one way of thinking.  We must yield to diversity.

This past week, I came across several Bible verses that shine a light on God’s strength and how he sustains us, not the other way around. 

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2: 8-10.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

“As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.
³¹ For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
³² It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
³³ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.
³⁴ He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵ You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
³⁶ You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.”

                                          Psalm 18: 30-36

I pray that these words may be an inspiration and a blessing to all of you during this next week and in the weeks to come.  Thank you for all of your prayers of support and encouragement as I continue adjusting to a new life here.  On a side note, Happy Birthday Evan!  Anyway, I’m sure this next week will hold many more lessons for me.  Stay tuned!

Pollo!

Bamboo rods, stuffed plastic bottles, and mud—lots of it.  If you have these three things, you’ve got yourself a chicken coop.  Or that’s what they tell me anyway :)

This weekend we began building a new chicken coop and my task for the most part was making mud and mixing it with hay.  Picture this: a few of us stomping in a hole with mud covering our legs and hands—truly it was a vision reminiscent of the Israelites and their mud brick making back in Egypt, only this time it was a bunch of girls dancing in the mud and having a good time.  “Modern Israelites” was our official title for the day.  So if you need mud for building walls, I’ve got contacts.  And experience.

It was a great time of fellowship, of many cultures coming together to build this chicken coop.  15 sets of hands helping cut bamboo or putting mud in the frames.  Classic rock music playing in the background.  Chickens and goats wandering around the constructions site, curious to see what’s going on in their yard.  And Jim even wore a kilt to work (it’s his macho outfit I guess)!  I’m sure we were a rare sight to behold and I’m not quite sure what the community would think if they could have seen us :)

At one point, we were corralling the chickens for the night and I was chasing this one stubborn chicken who refused to go in the coop.  Needless to say, I wasn’t watching very carefully where I was running and managed to scrape the bottom of my foot on something very sharp (I think it was a nail).  I was quite a mess that night, covered in mud and straw and limping.  But, despite this minor injury, I deem the experience a success.  We’re not quite finished building the coop yet so this coming weekend will be more of the same I expect :)

In addition to the coop construction, we welcomed another visitor for the weekend from Panama, we experienced a 5.0 earthquake’s tremors (crazy!!), and we welcomed a new member to our “community development work team”—my roommate Guiselle.  So, all in all, a very busy and crazy week we had here in Costa Rica.  I’m sure next week will be just as fun.  Stay tuned!

Contradictions of Life

My life this week has been one of contradictions… As if each moment is being pulled in two separate and equally powerful directions.  Let me tell you, to be caught in the middle is strenuous and exhausting.

Let me explain:  first and foremost, I have been on an emotional roller coaster this week.  At one moment I am loving everything I am doing and living life here to the fullest.  The next moment, I am in anguish, hating everything and dreading doing anything.  So, normal girl stuff I guess :)  The whole week I’ve kept myself busy so that I wouldn’t have time to think, to think on things I can’t have (like hamburgers, fall weather, and my family).  And then moments will hit me where I can’t not think about it and I’m a train wreck of emotions… My legendary poker face is definitely getting a workout.  But there are times where I look around and I am so blessed by what I see and witness, from a child’s laugh to the beautiful scenery to the tasty food.  If I’m honest, I love it and hate it here, something that is very hard to process :)

I have also experienced the “yes when I really mean no” sentiment here lately… one second we’ll all be on the same page for something, agreeing wholeheartedly on said topic, and the next moment someone has taken offense to what was decided, feelings were hurt, and relationships were strained.  Because the family here is white, educated and American (and so are Rachel and I) an unintentional class system has been established between us and those around us.  And it’s unlikely those barriers will be broken, not soon anyway.  We treat everyone here as equals but if they themselves do not believe to be our equals, what then can be done?  They will continue to tell us what we want to hear but not the truth… please pray that these barriers can be crossed and broken down and the love of God can take its place. 

Joy, despair; love, hate; happiness, sadness; yes, no—this week has been opposite week, everyone.  So buckle up and enjoy the ride!  That’s honestly how I felt.  Crazy!  We shall see what lies in store for us this coming week—hopefully some mellowness and sanity will be added into the mix and life here can reach a happy medium.  And so we go.  Stay tuned!

Well, This is New...!

Every morning, I wake up and my heart skips a beat.  You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.  My mind stumbles a bit at my new room, my new house, my new life.  I haven’t quite absorbed that fully yet.  I think a part of me still thinks I’m on vacation or something and I’ll be going home soon.  To think that I will be living here it a huge mental leap.  And right now, my feet are wavering in front of that hurdle, unable to hop across yet. 

I have learned and seen and experienced so much so far that it’s almost overwhelming, but in a good way.  I've learned that jaywalking is normal, that you can’t flush your toilet paper, that sidewalks are very uneven so you best watch where you walk, and that cockroaches are fairly common.  I've learned that thunder can be scary, that people here kiss cheeks in greeting, and that soccer (here it’s called football) is the sport so you better love it.  Personally, I've also learned that thinking a lot in Spanish makes me sleepy, that I need to take a shower at night if I want hot water, and that I need to get into shape if I’m going to be walking everywhere.  Basically, I feel as if I never left school, only at this school I never leave class :)

This week, my fellow intern here, Rachel, and I will be canvassing the neighborhood in an attempt to get a feel for the people here and the inner workings of the community.  We want to develop relationships with those living around Casa Adobe and to understand the strengths and weaknesses of the community.  With this information, hopefully we can encourage the community to look to its strengths to help improve its weaknesses.  A huge project, no doubt.  Please pray that we will be able to keep our focus on this week and what we can do this week only so we don’t get overwhelmed by the future.

I don’t know if any of you have the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  It’s a great devotional for mornings as it’s short and gives great food for thought for the day.  The devotional for September 22 has stuck with me for the past week or so, so I’d thought I share a part of it with you.  I recommend that you read the whole thing if you can.

“Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today’s tasks—or even tomorrow’s. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you.  Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes.  Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me” (Young, 2004, p. 277).   

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support!  Without further ado, I bid you adieu.  Stay tuned :)