The Big Blue

My feet buried in warm sand, the ever present sound of crashing waves, the sun beating down through clouds heavy with rain, the smell of salt and fish and brine—yes, I had the wonderful chance to spend a few days at the beach this past week.  Even more beautiful than the setting was the company I shared it with:

Hi mom and dad!!

As I stood there one afternoon staring out at the endless horizon of blue waters, I was struck with just how majestic and weird the ocean is.  Have you ever thought about how big our oceans are?  How, geographically speaking, they have more real estate than land does?  Just last week I dipped my toes and tumbled in the waves of the Pacific Ocean, and so did some Japanese children.  I took a boat ride on the same waves that some dude was surfing on in Hawaii or in Australia.  The immensity of that body of water is just… well, too big.  I can’t wrap my mind around it.

Yes, that's a sea turtle :)

Not only are oceans ginormous, they’re also an alien planet unto themselves.  The many abysses of unknown depths, the unseen but ever growing submerged volcanoes, the new species being discovered every year, the numerous currents and strong tides, the submerged cities and shipwrecks: all are crazy mysterious things that boggle the mind and make you wish you could breathe water like a fish.

Instead, God gave us two land-dependent legs and oxygen-dependent lungs.  It seems we have been cursed to wander the Dirt forever.

In my mind, God is sort of like the ocean.  He is vast, mysterious, of unknown origins and depths.  He is teeming with new life, with adventure, with creativity.  He is powerful, strong, dangerous.  He is peaceful, tranquil, and beautiful.  He has no beginning, and no end.  He moves in us, waves of grace and tides of mercy.  We cannot control God, much like we cannot control the oceans. 

I suppose I also imagine the Kingdom of God like the ocean, where all His children come home to live in his watery Oasis.  Like drops of water, lost in the sea of not only other drops but also in the overarching presence that is His. 

It’s not a perfect analogy, but it does inspire the imagination, doesn’t it?

As you go to the lakes and the oceans, what side of God do you see?  As you ponder the depths of the seas and the life that calls those waters home, what lesson is God sharing with you?  Remember the early poets who compared God’s love with the endless seas, the depths of which could not be known.  Is that not amazing to think about? 

Someday, I will shed these land-legs and trade them in for my Kingdom-ocean ones.  Someday, the oceans will make sense and their secret places will no longer be a mystery to me.  Someday, I’ll join God in his watery depths and swim in his glory.  Someday, I will call those waters Home.

Someday.

Stay tuned!

Cha-Cha-Changes

Courtesy of Carlye Tazelaar

Pensive, I stare off into the distance, not really seeing the vista in front of me.  I think of the future and, quite quickly, get lost in the emotions and dreams I have swirling around in my mind.  Caught in the powerful vortex, I am sucked into the great questions of which I have no answers:  Where will I be?  Who will I be with?  What will I be doing???  I have a fairly concrete plan for the next 3 months (no really, you should see my calendar—there’s no white space left), but have intentionally left blank my year of 2016.  

Why, you might ask? 

For the first time in my life, I don’t have a red carpet laid out in front of me.  There is no doorway open with a bright light shining through, beckoning me to cross that threshold.  There is no guide blazing a trail ahead of me in this jungle, no one to follow in their footsteps.  For the very first time, my future seems quite… well, open.  Blank.  Free.  Which at first terrifies me!  I am the girl with a plan, a well thought-out plan, I might add.  I always have my ducks lined up, the details sorted through, the options well labeled and categorized.  I hardly ever just wander blindly, hoping to bump into the right door to open or the right path to follow (though this sometimes happens if I misplace my glasses, bewildering moments I try to avoid).  So the idea of me intentionally not planning anything is bizarre. 

My only reason seems a bit feeble, but it’s all I’ve got—It comes down to the fact that if I think too much about the future, I’ll forget to live in the present.  As silly as it sounds, planning and dwelling on my future feels like an escape from the challenges and drudgery of my reality right now.  I will invent such a beautiful and perfect future that the world around me right now will become dull, annoying, and burdensome.  I will polarize the two, seeing the grass as very green over there, on the other side.  I will yearn for the future, and begrudge the present. 

And I don’t want that to happen. 

So I am avoiding the temptation of daydreaming too much so that I can find joy here in the present too.  The key is in noticing the small things, the little gift bundles God throws into every day.  When I look up, I can see the clouds in the sky and cherish the rain they bring.  When in the countryside, I can see freshly planted coffee and savor the taste of cacao fruit.   At the markets, I can marvel at the handiwork of Nicaraguan artisans, both past and present, and admire their artwork.  In my rocking chair, I can sip my coffee in the mornings and enjoy the company of my little hummingbird that visits me.  Every day, I can laugh and smile and just be with the people I’ve come to call good friends.  These are the good times. 

Even though my future seems dauntingly blank and looms over me from time to time, I find that it also motivates me to fully engage in the here and now and see how blessed I am.  The future will come, and I will be ready for it when it comes. 

But not yet, not yet.

My Old Friend

It’s been just over a week since the last time I enjoyed a thunder storm.  I miss those rain showers, those cacophonous moments of rain pelting tin roofs and thunder booming in the dark clouds above.  I miss feeling the chill of the fresh air, the smell of water-drenched earth, the feeling of the cool drops on my bare skin. 

Last week, I spent a few days traipsing around the countryside down by San Carlos, mostly in a small pueblo called Guasimo.  These small towns butt up against the border with Costa Rica, giving them a very different feel to the colonial city I call home.  The jungles engulf the countryside and villages in their wild foliage and teem with wildlife like monkeys, parrots, boa constrictors, tarantulas, and jungle cats.  To make it even better, it rains there.  A lot.  As you may know, rain and I get along rather famously.  Although recently we haven’t seen much of each other…  So this trip of mine, though tiring, turned out to be quite the blessing :)

During one particular thunderstorm I felt inspired to write a small poem of sorts… A poem to my old friend, Rain:

The rain, she calls out to me

Like an old friend.

I welcome her greeting warmly;

I pull up a chair,

Put on a pot of water

And brew us a cup of sweet tea. 

I snuggle up in my warm sweater

And sip my hot tea,

Grateful for Rain's fresh air she's brought

A gift of air that smells of wet earth, puddles, and green.

She invites me to talk first,

Listening ever so gently.

And so we talk,

Just her and I.

I talk of deep things that weigh on my heart:

My feelings of the past,

My desires for the present,

My dreams for the future.

And Rain listens to me well,

Giving me advice and counsel.

She speaks of patience and timing,

Of rhythm and passion and balance.

I ponder her words and

Savor their wisdom

like the cup of tea I currently hold.

She is wise, my old friend Rain.

And then she takes her turn,

Sharing with me her thoughts and hopes.

As her passion rises,

So too does her voice of watery droplets.

Crescendos of raindrops pelt the earth around us,

A symphony of notes and beats.

Thunder and Lightning join in from time to time,

Forever lost in their mighty dance.

And I sit here,

And listen

As we share this moment in our lives,

Just Rain and I.

And then the time comes

When Rain must go.

I thank her for bringing me a bit of peace and wisdom.

I sigh, content and refreshed.

Farewell, Rain.

Until the next time when our paths cross.

Until then, here I will wait for you.

Stay tuned!

You've Got a Friend in Me

I’ve been thinking a lot lately what it means to be a friend.  In my experience, friends are those who listen, who make you laugh, who get you to take yourself seriously, and who advise you against making bad decisions.  They are the ones we turn to when the day gets rough.  They are the ones we seek out when boredom strikes, or when the weekend arrives, or when something big happens that demands a celebration.  Friends are a BIG part of our lives.

If I’m honest, I’m a bit selfish when it comes to friendships. I’m drawn to psychology and I absolutely love delving into the inner realms of any person.   What makes a person tick?  What do they like?  Dislike?  I’d like to know absolutely everything about everyone BUT I’m also the last person to open up to others.  Which I suppose makes me something like a gentle parasite: gleaning off of others, learning all I can but giving little of myself in return.

My questions abound… How does a friend act?  How should a good friend act?  What do I say, share, repeat?  When am I allowed to keep secrets, to keep parts of me safe and private?  Where are those lines, those boundaries, those places that should be saved only for God?

My biggest question for today: are all friendships equal?

Clearly, no.  My friendship with my family is very different from my friendships with my housemates.  And those friendships are very different from my friendship with my boyfriend which is also very different from my friendships with all of my coworkers and students and neighbors and church.  Each friendship is unique and I interact with each person in a very unique way.  Friendships are much like a fingerprint or a snowflake—no two are the same.  And I shouldn’t expect them to be.

I’ve also come to realize that with each relationship I have, I give a little bit of myself to that person.  As a gift, I offer a piece of my heart in exchange for a piece of yours.  To some, I give more.  To others, just a little piece.  I can’t give all of me to everyone.  But even though I may ration out those little heart pieces and hoard them like a little squirrel, it’s impossible not share my heart with those I call friends.  I’m connected to you.  There’s no turning back, no refunds, no gift returns. 

Which is why absence and lies and disappointment hit so hard—the heart is deeply involved.  Friends know us best, yes, but they are also the ones who can hurt us the most.

My wisdom then for today is simply this: Be careful who you give your heart pieces to.  

Those are gifts you can’t take back.  But they’re also gifts that connect you to a network of people who cherish you in very unique and wonderful ways.  Friends are incredibly important, so treasure their place in your life.  And your place in theirs.

Stay tuned!

Amar es Perdonar

It’s another night here at Casa Kelsey and with no other great distraction planned, we turned to Netflix for some easy on-demand entertainment.  Netflix courteously suggested titles of movies and shows that might perk our interest and, for some inexplicable and extremely random reason, we chose a ridiculous movie about the ever-famous topic of love.  As is the case with many chick-flicks the plots twists and turns were sudden and laughable, not realistic in the slightest.  Nevertheless, it did its job to engage our attention for a couple of hours :)

The movie was quite unmemorable except for one single phrase that stands out to me even now: “Amar es perdonar.”  To love is to forgive.  I don’t know why this simple 3 word phrase has struck me so profoundly…  But for me, that night, those words rang true.  I think we often highlight the other, more enjoyable parts of love: the passion, the sincerity, the fun, the togetherness, the adventure.  But we often avoid the harder, more gritty parts of love: the pain, the hurt, the anger, the brokenness, the disappointment. 

If we jump around in our love-giving and love-receiving, we are only going to skim the surface of our relationships.  When we become disappointed or hurt by someone, we will forever give into the temptation to cut-off that person from our lives, to break off, to run away.  We will befriend people, stay with them for a time, and then move on.  People will fill our lives and yet we will feel a deep loneliness. 

To endure through the storms, to bear witness to the ugliness of love, to come out of it on the other side and be able to honestly say “I still love you” is a deeper love that transcends failure and brokenness.  This is the Love God demonstrates for us every single day.  Let me say that again: God loves us that much every single day.  Yesterday.  Tomorrow.  Forever. 

It’s hard to love this way.  It’s really hard.  But it’s so worth it.  And as Christ-followers, it’s what we are called to do.  As our Father and Creator loves us, so too should we love his Creation and fellow image-bearers. 

To paraphrase a favorite Bible passage:

In those dark moments of failure and brokenness, I love you.  Even while you are a sinner, I love you.  I love you so deeply I sent my Son to save you, once and for all.  Indeed, I love you still.  (Romans 5:8)

Do you believe in Love?  Do you believe in it enough to live it?  Don’t be afraid to love.  Love others as you want to be loved.  Be the love you want to see. 

Stay tuned!

A Home Connection

Back in the ol’ days, the ones that scarcely anyone can remember any more, traveling and living abroad looked very different from what we see today.  Travel itself was slower paced—days and weeks were dedicated to crossing the country, even longer if you were visiting family or taking a vacation.  People enjoyed a more sedentary lifestyle simply because moving took a lot of work (even more than it does nowadays!).  Then came the invention of all things technological and BOOM! we find ourselves in the midst of a day and age that we only dreamed of when Star Trek was first on TV.  We are living it, folks.

FaceTime with the bro

To provide a very obvious example, I happen to currently be a missionary living in a country 3,200 miles from my hometown.  And yet, this week I’ve been able to talk to my friends and loved ones “face-to-face” through the beautiful convenience of FaceTime and Skype.  I can text regularly with people all over the world.  I can worship live with fellow believers back home in Michigan via the internet.  And this past week, I was given the extra special opportunity to check in everyday with my church’s VBS kids! 

In case you didn’t make it to the daily VBS pow-wow held at Wayland this week, I’ve included below the short and sweet messages I sent my kids this week.  I hope you enjoy them as much as they did!

Day 1:

“Buenos días everyone! This is a little shout out from Kelsey Davies from sunny Nicaragua. Each day this week I'll be checking in and saying hi. I'll also try to leave you with a fun fact about Nicaragua as well as a favorite bible verse of mine. So here it goes: here in Nicaragua, we are known as the land of lakes and volcanoes--we have two huge fresh water lakes (think Lake Michigan) and 27 volcanos! Quite a bit different from Wayland huh? And the verse I'd like to share with you today is Micah 6:8 "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Well, that's it for today. Dios les bendiga! Hasta mañana :)”

Day 2:

“Hola VBS-ers! I hope you had a really great first day yesterday.

I am currently sitting in my office in the capital city of Managua, catching up with work and having meetings. Managua is about an hour and a half from my home in Leon. Normally I come here on Mondays on a bus that looks like a school bus. But these school buses are a bit different from the ones you might be used to--these buses are painted bright colors on the outside and many have streamers and other colorful decorations. With loud music playing and waaaay too many people crammed in there, riding the bus here is always an adventure! Many times, there's so many people, the only way I can get off the bus is through the emergency door in the back!

The Bible verse I'd like to share with you guys today is another one of my favorites: Psalm 150:

1 Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens.

2 Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness.

3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre,

4 praise him with timbre and dancing, praise him with the strings and pipe,

5 praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals.

6 Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.

Have a great day guys and I'll check in again tomorrow!”

A pic of the kids listening to my daily hi-hello-there

Day 3:

“Hola everyone again! Hope you’re having a fantastic week! Today I want to share with you a bit more about Nicaragua, but especially about the family. Family here is SUPER important. You'll often see extended family all living together in one house: think grandparents, your mom and dad, your siblings, maybe even a cousin or two. Sometimes even your uncle or aunt might live with you for a while. That's a lot of people all living in the same house! Birthday parties, weddings, and funerals are all huge family gatherings and can sometimes last for a couple of days. Let's just say here, you're never without family!

The verse I'd like to share with you today is from Psalm 103: “But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.” Psalm 103:17-18 NIV

Dios les bendiga and I'll chat with you tomorrow!”

Day 4:

“Bienvenidos to the last day of VBS! What a week, huh? I hope everyone has had a great time!

I don't know how many of you have been on soccer teams or at least kicked around a soccer ball in P.E. Probably a lot! Did you know that soccer is the most famous sport in many of the countries around the world? Including in Latin America? Well, it's popular here in Nicaragua too, but do you know what sport is even more popular? Baseball. Several decades ago, the U.S. Marines spent a good amount of time in Nicaragua and brought with them the well-liked American sport, and it's been a favorite ever since. In fact, several Nicaraguans play on professional American teams (Google it if you don't believe me). Kids and parents play catch in the streets here, and pick-up games are played everywhere. I live right by a stadium and boy are game-days crazy! So, if you enjoy baseball, then you have to visit Nicaragua someday! 

Ok, so today is the last day of VBS so I'd like to share with you a verse that has been used as a benediction for centuries, even before Jesus was born! You've probably heard it in church too. It's Numbers 6: 24-26: "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."

Have a blast at Fun Fest tomorrow!

Un abrazo fuerte (a big hug), 

Kelsey”

A shout-out of thank you to everyone who made VBS a fun time last week.  And thanks Dana for contacting me!  Miss you guys.

Stay tuned!

10...9...8...7...

We are almost ready for blast off, folks.  In 10 days, my next batch of students will arrive bright-eyed and travel-weary to the small airport of Augusto Sandino.  A greeting of humid air and my smiling face and waving hands is the extent of their grand welcoming party to the city of Managua.  And so will begin their journey from naïve and curious students to savvy cross-cultural vagabonds.  Their mission: survive the next 3 ½ months of classes, trips, language acquisition, homestays, foreign foods and power-sapping heat.  My mission: make it the best experience they’ve ever had.

Now, I’m not boasting in my extraordinary skills at accommodating “greenies” to the international playground I currently play in.  Nor am I touting my refined skills at teaching and providing inspiring guidance to those caught in the murky whirlpools of cross-cultural living.  What I’m saying is that I enjoy setting for myself such lofty goals so as to push myself to go the extra mile and do it even better than last time.  I know what I’m capable of, but I also know how easy it is to become cozy in the arms of “excellence”.  So, there will be none of that here.  I will celebrate, yes, by patting myself on the back and eating my favorite ice cream (pitahaya) BUT then I put my game face back on and jump back into the arena.  My goals are high, but my determination is even higher.

Thinking of my new students, I can’t help but put myself into their shoes and remember what it was like for me.  I can’t forget those first few steps I took into a bright and scary new world known as Costa Rica and then later in Nicaragua.  I may have played it off as cool, but on the inside I was terrified.  I had absolutely no idea what to expect, which makes it incredibly difficult to properly prepare yourself for anything.  Essentially, I lived those first few months on the tips of my toes, agilely and clumsily dodging and weaving and fighting any obstacle that suddenly found its way onto my path.  I could only react to the world around me, never predict.  But then, slowly and after many a sleepless night, a miracle happened.  I was no longer afraid.  The next day no longer was such a scary monster to me; instead, it presented itself as a semi-known challenge that I would (and could) face. 

So, in these past few months but most especially in these past few days, I have been doing my best to prepare my corner of Nicaragua for these 8 students.  I haven’t fallen for the lie that I can take away the scary mystery of living here, but I can set up ways to provide support for the students when they face those moments of unsureness and fear.  I can’t write up a list of “Things to Do in Nicaragua so that You Never Have a Bad Day”, but I can provide a list of resources to provide more insight into the culture and life here.  I can’t de-bug and de-parasite the entire nation so that no student will ever get sick, but I can teach host families and students to be aware of hygiene and to use caution in food and beverage consumption.  I can’t make the world perfect, but I can be there when you fall down.

I’m excited.  I’ll admit it.  I can’t wait to meet these 8 students in person (finally!).  I’ve only been thinking about them since they signed up way back in April.  I know their profiles by heart.  I can guess at their personality and sense of humor through the emails I have had with them.  I know what they look like and who will stick out here in a crowd and who will blend right in.  I know them, and yet I am so very aware that they are still a complete mystery to me.  I’m antsy and I simply cannot wait to finally meet the person behind the name and to have the privilege of walking alongside of them during their journey this semester.

Please pray for these students.  Pray that they come open-hearted, open-minded, and open-eyed.  Pray that they will be touched by the Nicaraguans here and that they will in turn touch the lives of those they come to know.  Pray for our faculty and staff.  Pray for perseverance and energy and joy, even when the number of papers to grade seems just too many.  Pray for our host families.  Pray for patience and guidance and wisdom, especially when they just can’t understand their student’s broken Spanish.  And finally, please pray for me.  Pray for wisdom and perseverance and joy, especially as this semester will be my last here in Nicaragua (and you know I hate goodbyes).

Stay tuned!